How To Approach Someone IRL
It’s true there are negatives and positives to being approached in public. Especially as a woman, it can feel like you can’t walk out your door without someone commenting on your appearance. In fact, an unsolicited approach can sometimes feel like an invasion of space.
After the “Me Too” movement in 2017, most men became aware of this unfortunate reality and, rightfully, began to rethink whether approaching someone IRL was going to be received as a burden.
Makes sense, If I found out that my presence was unwanted, I would defo moonwalk right out of that room!
An unexpected result of this newfound respect for boundaries (gasp!), is that people are less comfortable meeting in person. The uncertainty of whether their approach is welcomed causes people- especially men- to dismiss the idea of approaching someone altogether, and has led us to believe that online dating is the only dating.
Add that, and a little pandemic, and people are so over isolation. Now, this isn’t permission to get all up in someone’s personal space and ask, “Why don’t you smile, baby?” But, there ARE acceptable, respectful ways to approach someone who you may be interested in.
Say it with me, R-E-S-P-E-C-T fully.
Be mindful of someone’s personal space. Be conscious of someone’s body language and tone. When you approach someone, the number one thing is to make sure you’re allowing them enough space to feel comfortable, not like they’re being violated.
If it seems like they’re being rude, short, or not picking up what you’re putting down, don’t get upset or be hostile. A simple, “Apologies if I’ve made you feel uncomfortable. Enjoy the rest of your day/evening.” That’s it!
Handling “rejection” this way might make someone feel a little better about being approached in general, and possibly more receptive if it happens again in the future.
Plan what you’re going to say, what you want out of the situation, and your exit strategy.
Although it can be endearing when someone approaches you and fumbles around looking for something to say, it can be straight-up sexy when someone knows what they want, and isn’t afraid to clue you in.
You don’t have to have a script, but a little compliment, a question to gauge whether or not they’re interested and comfortable talking to you, and then an exit strategy, can go a long way.
Ahhh the exit strategy. Don’t leave things vague. If you want to hang out again, ask if they’d like to make a plan to hang out. Ask what they like to do. Ask if they want to see a jazz concert you have tickets to or take a walk in the park.
The more specific you are, the more likely it is that you can take this little approach and manifest it into a meaningful relationship.
And, as always, ask the best way to follow up.
Be confident. There’s nothing that’s going to up your chances of success like being surefooted in your approach. Stand up straight and smile. If it’s a no, take it on the chin. You can handle it.
In the same regard, don’t have anyone else approach on your behalf. Muster up the courage and do it yourself. Not only is that half the fun, but it’s also half the appeal for the person you’re approaching.
Be creative. A number on a napkin, an “anonymous” drink bought from afar, can be a cute way to gauge if someone is interested in having a conversation.
You’ve done the most difficult part- kind of. If you managed to walk away with contact information, whether it’s a phone number or social media account, make sure you follow up. Don’t like in text-land forever- that defeats the entire purpose of approaching someone IRL!
If you have a number, call them on the phone. If you have social media, propose a PLAN (as in date & time options, location & activity options) so you can experience all the glory of face to face interactions!
