These Common Blocks Might Be Preventing You From Successful Dating
Sick of feeling stuck in your dating life? Learn the common blocks that might be preventing you from finding a long-term relationship.
One of my favorite resources for all things dating is Logan Ury’s book, “How Not To Die Alone.” Ury uses data-backed research to analyze what prevents people from succeeding in dating, and how to overcome these issues.
In her book, she discusses three types of blindspots that I immediately recognized during my years working as a matchmaker. Broken down, these are the three different states of mind that might seem harmless at first glance but could ultimately be preventing you from finding a partner.
Being a “Romantisizer.” Romantisizers tend to look for fairytale relationships. Each moment should be filled with romance, surprises around every corner, and unexpected candlelit dinners on regular occasions.
When a relationship doesn’t meet these expectations, Romantisizers tend to jump ship, waiting for the next thrilling relationship to come along, only to be disappointed once more when the relationship stabilizes.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to want to implement romance in your love life, however, it takes work to build that type of relationship and that work might not always feel, well… romantic.
If you’re someone who’s jumping from relationship to relationship, waiting for the one that’s filled with effortless surprises, you might find yourself jumping for a lifetime.
Being a “Maximizer.” Like me, you might already be familiar with this term, as the qualities of Maximizers show themselves in many ways. For instance, have you ever gone hungry because you spent too much time looking for the perfect place to eat, and then didn’t enjoy your food anyway because you felt like ‘if only I picked that OTHER place’?
That’s a Maximizer. In the context of a relationship, Maximizers are spoilt for choice, afraid to commit to one person because they fear that someone better might just be waiting around the corner.
While I understand having standards when it comes to a life partner, it’s important to remember that no one person will meet every expectation. If you’re expecting perfection, you’re going to fall short every time.
Being a “Hesitator.” Hesitators are guilty of turning those same high standards around on themselves. Are they in the perfect place to be dating and looking for love? Curiously enough, the “perfect place” always seems to be just out of reach.
It’s normal that you’d want to be the best version of yourself when you’re dating. It’s also normal to be normal, and normal people aren’t always at their perfect weight or the height of their careers.
It’s a positive thing to be reflective when entering the dating pool, and make sure you have all your ducks in a row before jumping in head first. But be weary that you’re not continually making excuses. Give yourself a time frame, and get your feet wet.
