Should You Hire A Matchmaker? Five Questions to Ask Yourself
Considering a matchmaker to help you find your perfect partner? Before you do, ask yourself these five important questions and determine if hiring a matchmaker is worth the investment.
As a matchmaker, I’ve worked for two different companies with clients ranging all over the map (literally) so I can say first hand that I totally get why hiring a matchmaker is appealing. In the best-case scenarios, it’s like having a personal wingman/wingwoman, instead of an algorithm that never quite has you figured out. There you are, focusing on work, gym, family, etc., and ‘ding!’ just like that, you receive the news that you have a new match!
Even though matchmaking works for some people, there are a few key questions to ask yourself before committing energy and money to the process.
Am I ready to let go of my expectations?
The biggest misconception about matchmaking is that we have Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie stuffed away somewhere, just waiting to date you.
Okay, that’s a little harsh, but you get it. You know exactly what you want, down to height, interests, and income. All we have to do is make the connection, right? …
WRONG! If you want to make the most out of your time working with a matchmaker, you should be prepared to let go of expectations. The person who you might eventually fall in love with might not be the person you were expecting, and maintaining a level of openness is crucial to not shutting off a good match too early.
How do I define “success” in this process?
Of course, the intention is to run happily into the sunset with your new, perfect partner, but if that’s the ONLY way you’ll be satisfied with the service then you might have a rough time with the process.
Not every date is going to be a knock out of the park. Sometimes, it’s about getting back out there, getting comfortable in the dating world, and learning about what you do and do not like.
In other words, if going on dates with anyone BUT Mr. or Mrs. “Right” is going to send you into a downward spiral, then maybe now isn’t the best time for you to leave your love life in someone else’s hands.
What is the difference between my top priorities and my general preferences?
I get it. You don’t want to settle. After all, that’s why you are hiring a matchmaker in the first place.
It’s not necessarily about settling, but it is crucial to know the difference between what ACTUALLY makes someone a compatible match, and what doesn’t.
For instance, if you live a healthy lifestyle, it’s only natural to want to share life with someone who also has a health-forward mindset. However, there’s a difference between wanting a health-forward partner and a partner who is health-forward, at least 6’2”, and athletic but not too much muscle but also not too skinny.
Am I prepared to actively date?
This covers the physical as well as the mental. The practicals are whether you have time (sometimes you’ll be asked to drive quite a bit to meet your date,) whether you’re wardrobe-ready and whether you have someone to watch the kids, etc.
Mentally, not all dates are going to be the best date ever. Are you mentally prepped to not let a bad date turn your world upside down? If things go well, do you have the ability to let someone new into your life in a meaningful way?
How will I handle a bad date?
Dates are hit or miss, and even though going through service should cut down the back & forth prior to a meeting, there are still emergency changes, last-minute cancellations, etc., that can really get under your skin.
Turns out, fate doesn’t care if you paid an arm and a leg for the service. The subway still might break down, or someone’s dog might still need to be rushed to the vet.
What’s your backup plan? Are you confident that you can keep your cool and an open heart when these situations arise, as they so often do?
